Better Rugby Rules

                  The Green Lantern comic star

After ZERO consultation with fans, a huge surprise to all.

The Highlanders management go out on the town, get drunk on Speights shandies and watch the movie called Green Lantern. One of them joked ‘Hey that outfit on the green fella, that’s we need for our team to start winning!’, what he didn’t know when he made the joke the half arse Marketing Manager said ‘Good idea!”

And this is the out come from the morons who run the Highlanders.

                   From 2012 Super Rugby season..

             GO THE GREEN LANTERNERS

Here is the Highlander Board Members responsible for such a moronic decision.

ChairmanRoss Laidlaw (Independent)
Board MemberMichael de Buyzer (North Otago)
Board MemberAdrian Read (Otago)
Board MemberMurray Acker (Southland)
Board MemberKereyn Smith (Dunedin City Council)

General Manager Roger Clark – roger.clark@highlanders.net.nz
Office Manager Diane Ede – diane.ede@highlanders.net.nz
Operations Manager Greg O’Brien – greg.obrien@highlanders.net.nz
Commercial Manager Mike Kerr – mike.kerr@highlanders.net.nz
Marketing ManagerDoug McSweeney – doug.mcsweeney@highlanders.net.nz

THE last time I saw such an aweful sight was when the ALL BLACKS wore the Silver (instead of the traditional white) Jersey vs France at the RWC 2007 and LOST !

PREDICTION: The Green Lanterners jersey has a short life span !

Whats the difference between soccer and rugby?

Rugby players do not carry the BALL this way !

Thank god !

If you are in the sun these holidays please slip on a shirt, slop on the 30+ and slap on those jandles !

If you are one of these nude rugby blokes, please get further protection with a SOCK ! For gawd sake !

Source  : Nude Rugby !

Have a good new years !

Source: Why SBW’s offload is so special

The latest rumor is that the IRB wish to take down the latest ABs advantage over other unions, and that is the ability for SBW (Sonny Bill Williams) to offload the rugby union ball with one hand.

The IRB proposes to increase the ball size by 25%. This is to insist that SBW uses two hands. This would reduce that chance of fast offloads in the tackle and return SBW to normal status, just like the rest of us.

However, after reading the tea leaves I feel this is correct the forecast for the world rugby and SBW: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OsXTa7UCGlk&feature=related

IMPORTANT: I am joking about the ball size change..got ya !

Ooooh…aaar

One of the greatest fighting units of world history promoted homosexuality amoungst its ranks. Has Henry’s coaching staff done the same??

Ref: Homosexuality in the militaries of ancient Greece

 SBW = Sonny Bill Williams

Q: How many SBW’s does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: None. SBW prefers to keep people in the dark

Q: Whats the difference between SBW and Arnold Schwarzenegger?

A: Armold Schwarzenegger will be back.

Q: What do SBW, Princess Diana and The World Trade Centre have in common?

A: They all got f***ed by an Arab

Q: Why wouldn’t SBW ever catch his best mate with his girlfreind?

A: Sonny bill doesnt walk in on his mates, He walks out on them

Q: Whats the difference between SBW and my house?

A: My house still has fans

Q. What do the Bulldogs and Cher have in common?

A. They have both been f**ked by Sonny

Q. Why did sonny’s porno career fail?

A. He has a tendancy to pull out early

Little Peter was in his junior school class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up:
Fireman, policeman, salesman, politician, etc.

However, little Peter was being uncharacteristically quiet, and so the teacher asked him about his father. Reluctantly he replied, “My Dad’s an exotic dancer in a gay club, and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer’s really good, he’ll go out with a man, rent a cheap room and let him shag him.”

The teacher hurriedly set the other children to work on some colouring and then took Little Peter aside to ask him, “Is that really true about your father?”

“No,” said Peter, “My father plays rugby for England; I was just too embarrassed to say.”

In 1983 3 kids were playing in the street in Sydney when they were hit by a train. They all go to heaven and God says to them, “You weren’t supposed to die, you were all supposed to live out your lives. This was not your time. To make it up to you, I’ll let you choose what you want to do with your life. Take a running jump off of that cloud over there, and as you’re flying back down to Earth, shout out what you want to do. And so it shall be.”

The 1st kid takes a running leap and shouts “Lawyer” and so, 20 years later, he is a very successful lawyer, making lots of money, with an upcoming appointment to the Bench.

The 2nd kid takes his turn and shouts “brain surgeon” and so, 20 years later, he is the most admired man in his field of medicine and making a ton of money saving lives.

The 3rd kid goes to take his turn, and as he runs he trips over his own feet and stumbles of the cloud muttering “stupid clumsy arsehole.” 20 years later, he’s first five for the Wallabies.

An Kiwi wanted to become an Aussie so he visited a doctor to find out how to go about this. 

“Well” said the doctor, “this is a very delicate operation and there is a lot that can go wrong.  I will have to remove half your brain”. 

“That’s OK” said the Kiwi.  “I’ve always wanted to be an Aussie and I’m prepared to take the risk”.

The operation went ahead but the Kiwi woke to find a look of horror on the face of the doctor.  “I’m so terribly sorry!!” the doctor said.  “Instead of removing half the brain, I’ve taken the whole brain out”. 

The patient replied, “No problem sir, jolly good show, tally ho!!”

********************************************************

The All Blacks were playing England, and after the half-time whistle blew they found themselves ahead 50-0, Jonah Lomu getting eight tries. The rest of the team decided to head for the pub instead of playing the second half, leaving Jonah to go out on his own.

“No worries,” Jonah told them, “I’ll join you later and tell you what happened.” After the game Jonah headed for the pub where he told his teammates the final score: 95-3.

“What!!!!” said a furious Josh Kronfeld, “How did you let them get three points??!” Jonah replied apologetically, “I was sent off with 20 minutes to go.”

ha ha ha !~~

Jokes:

This is a story from the magician on the Titanic who performed mainly sleight of hand tricks. He had a regular spot on the ship’s cabaret evening entertainment. He was actually quite a good magician, but his routines were regularly ruined by the onboard resident Titanic parrot who would fly around squawking out and giving away his secrets like:

SQWARK “IT’S UP HIS SLEEVE, IT’S UP HIS SLEEVE!” or

SQWARK “IT’S IN HIS POCKET, IT’S IN HIS POCKET!” or

SQWARK “IT’S IN HIS MOUTH, IT’S IN HIS MOUTH!”

The magician was getting pretty sick of this and threatened to kill the parrot if it ruined his act one more time. That evening right at the climax of his act, just as he was about to disappear in a puff of smoke, the Titianic hit the iceberg and sank.

Amazingly, the magician and the parrot were the only two survivors. The magician was lying on a piece of driftwood in a daze. As he opened his eyes he could see the parrot staring at him out of its beady little eye.

The parrot sat there for hours just staring at him and eventually said, “OK, I give up, what did you do with the boat?”

Ooh some of these are rich…

What’s the difference between Graham Henry and Viagra?
At least Viagra gives you a semi.

Graham Henry gets handed a mobile phone and is told “This is Wayne Barnes’s phone”
Henry asks “How did you know?”
“It has 15 missed calls” comes the reply

Why did Graham Henry go to a ball dressed as a pumpkin?
Because he hoped when the clock struck midnight he would turn into a coach.

There made of sterner stuff, fresh, better rugby brains, they will save the nations number one game from more embarrassment: Here they are

Ginger Bread Men doing the haka !

Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oulQwIP9VQQ

ha ha!

Dan Carter can he save us ? Hope his rugby form is better than his dancing form..

Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bQ91X6u2Jc4

…oooh my god, we are in the sh*t !

Blogger: Placing a bet on France at $3.30  for a win, and the British Lions at $3.30 for a win !

Ha ha !

UDPATE1: NZ Tab: 2, Blogger: 0

Before this blog made an obvious comparison to this guy…
See this post..here

After a reader of this blog passed the message over to
Mr Foster ( Coach of Super 14 Chiefs)

Looks heaps better after razor did its job, what was he thinking !!

ha ha ha

Seriously you do the match ups..Foster, McCaw, Hitler and Doris !

Ha ha

Sorry if you have a sensitive demeanor, but come on, its funny !

Ausie family arrives in New Zealand.

Son’s first day at school and the father say’s
“OK son what happened at school today”
“I topped the class at Math’s today”.
“Well son thats because your a Aussie!”

Second day at school and the father say’s
“what happened at school today”
“I topped class in English”
“Well son thats because your a Aussie!”

Third day at school and the father say’s
“What happened at school today”
“We played mini Rugby and after the game we were in the shower’s and I noticed that I had a bigger wasser than all the other boys”

“Is that because I am a Aussie, Dad???”.

“No son” the father relied “that’s because your 27”.

**********************************************************************

An Australian rugby fan, a South African rugby fan and a New Zealand fan are all in Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze when, all of a sudden, Saudi police rush in and arrest them.

The mere possession Of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible Crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they are all sentenced to death!

However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, They are able to successfully appeal their sentences down to life imprisonment.

By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day, their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip.

As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh announced:
“It’s my first wife’s birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping.”

The South African was first in line, he thought for a while and Then said:
“Please tie a pillow to my back.”

This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. When the punishment was done he had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.

The Australian was next up. After watching the South African’s Horror he said smugly:

“Please fix two pillows to my back.” But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again and the Australian was soon led away whimpering loudly (as they do).

The New Zealander was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said:

“You are from a most beautiful part of the world and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!”

“Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness”, the Kiwi replied. In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me Not 20 lashes but 100 lashes.”

“Not only are you an honourable, handsome and powerful man, you Are also very brave”.
The Sheikh said with an admiring look on his face.

“If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish”?

“Tie the Australian to my back.”

When will English Rugby tourist ever learn ! (ha)

NOTE:
1) Shes not an Aussie, as they dont use paper, hands only !
2) She cant be a Sth African as they sh*t in there pants.
3) Not a Kiwi as there are no beer cans.
4) Shes not a Welsh, as they dont know where Africa is !
5) Shes not an Irish, as she is not drunk !
6) Cant be a Scot, she has a tan !

JOKES

Q. You’re trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and an Australian rugby fan.  You have a gun with two bullets.  What do you do?

A. Shoot the Australian fan – twice

***********************************

An Australian player went to the doctor and said: “I’ve just been playing rugby and when I got back I found that when I touched my legs, arms, head, tummy – everywhere – it really hurt.”

The doctor replied: “You’ve broken your finger.”

 ***********************************

Now this one, due to ABs performance, is o so true !

Q. What do you call 15 guys sitting around the tv watching the Rugby World Cup final?

A. The All Blacks